Earthquake!

There is never a dull moment when you live near L.A. 

This morning, I dropped off my girl at camp and felt a bit uneasy for some reason.  I chalked it up to just the fact that they were taking my 8 year old on a field trip 40 miles from home;  on a bus on the freeways around L.A.; to the Discovery Science Center, which is in Santa Ana. 

And then, 11:42am came:  I was in my office writing a therapy note, when I heard a loud noise and a violent shake;  the rolling and swaying began.  I opened my office door to GET OUT ( I know, it’s not what’s recommended, but it’s second nature – everyone does this, trust me).  Several people are shouting, “Earthquake!”, and everyone was rushing to get outside.  

Outside, I could see the cars just swaying with the movement of the earth.  I could feel the ground moving; and then, I panicked.  I knew in my heart that my baby was closer to the epicenter; I also knew because of where the fault line runs that it was likely she had experienced worse.  So, I ran back inside to get my cell phone, despite that we were supposed to be out.  It was over; I was safe; and now, I need to find out if my little girl was ok.  I frantically dialed the emergency cell number for the teacher – no signal. I tried again and again, still nothing. 

There is something really good about working with mental health professionals.  I was the only parent of a young child in the group.  And they kept me grounded, telling me, “She’ll be ok.”   The worst part was not being able to contact anyone to find out.  It took 30 minutes.  Thirty of the longest minutes of my life.  And then I remembered that advice about having an out-of-state contact.  So, I called an internet friend and she made a phone call to find out that everything was, indeed, ok.  I also managed at about the same time to reach the Science Discovery Center and was told that there were no injuries and everyone was fine.  Relief washed over me.  I still felt like shaking and crying.  But, I knew that my girl was safe and I would see her later. 

And that was the best thing ever, to see her face again, to hold her hand, to hear her voice. 

I hate the unpredictability of earthquakes.  In a way, they are a stark reminder of the unpredictability of life, because you never do know what tomorrow holds, or even the next minute.  All we really have is now.  And that’s true whether or not you live in “earthquake country.”

Paying it Forward

My heart feels so incredibly full and grateful: I have tears in my eyes as I think of where I am at now and where I’m come from…gratitude for all the wonderful, selfless people who gave to me which has allowed me to now give back to others. 

I’ve been working with one of my clients for seven months now and both the tangible and non-tangible changes I’ve seen him make have been so amazing to witness, to be a part of…the process of therapy and human growth.  It’s the small baby steps that just add up over a period of time.  It’s incredible and humbling. 

It’s the reason I got into this work…to give back to others in the same way that others have given to me; unconditionally.  I can do that now thanks to those who helped me become empowered along the way.  I want to thank them with every cell of my being for having been there for me. 

And on the home front.  My little girl is enjoying her summer camp and gymnastics class.  I think she’s been enjoying gymnastics a little too much though.  She tried to do a flip into her pillow last night and hit her head on the wall instead – hard.     Poor sweetie had a headache all day today, but she says it’s starting to go away.  And what is it with head injuries?  She’s been hiting her head on things several times over the last few weeks.  It must be some sort of growth spurt thing where she is just lacking body awareness or something.  A few years back, she did that with legs…they always had bruises.  Let’s just hope she gets past the head bumping stage quickly.

Lessons from the field.

It’s easy for mental health clinicians to get overwhelmed these days.  There is never, ever a shortage of work to be done, clients to see; at least, not when you work for no pay as an intern in community mental health.  People are happy to give you more to do and, at first, you are happy to be doing it, excited for the responsibility.  And then, one day, you dread going to work because you know that you have taken on too much and you have to let someone know.  That was my day today. 

It’s a good thing to learn you have limits; to know how to set boundaries; and to know when to say no.  I’m usually pretty good at doing this.  Sometimes you make mistakes and think you can do more than you really can do, though.  And then, you have to admit that you, too, are human.  And there’s many reasons why that’s hard.  You don’t want to let people down and you don’t want to let yourself down.  You wanted to do that extra project, but there is just no time left in the week to do it all.   But, lesson learned….it’s not the end of the world to say, “I can’t, right now.” 

I am passionate about the work I do.  There is nothing better than wtinessing and being a part of the growth process of another human being; watching someone unfold to become more of who they want to be.  It’s exciting work.  And it’s challenging work.  Many times you never do get to see the progress directly, and much of the time the process is painful.  The best part is, at the end of the day, knowing that I’m doing the work that I am meant to do. 

I get to come home fulfilled and ready to be involved in my own life with my daughter. I’m about to go and get her from daycamp, where she got to spend the whole day playing at the beach.  More stories to listen to and more love to share.  Life is good.

A Place to Begin

I guess this time is as good as any to begin.  I suppose it’s even better than just any old time because right now I am starting a blog rather than getting started on another project that is due today. Procrastination, anyone? 

Actually, I love writing; I just can’t seem to ever get started:  kind of like exercising or eating healthy, or anthing that’s good for the soul.  Sometimes just finding the time and energy to start is the hardest part. Time and energy – I have every excuse as to why I have neither one of those in my life right now.  But, excuses are not going to help me get started. So, I’ve decided that I just have to dive in and get my feel wet. 

It’s a little like that first jump I made from a plane 10 years ago: 13,000 feet in the sky, looking over that threshold, thinking, “oh my god, I can’t do this!  Someone get me out of here!”  and then, landing on the ground 5 minutes later, thinking, “Wow!  That was the best thing I’ve ever done!.” 

It’s been like that with so many things in life.  The more I’ve challeneged myself to move beyond my fears, the more I’ve learned about myself and the world around me. 

And so begins my story.  A tiny glimpse into my world.  Now, I must get back to the assignment at hand…a reaction paper for my gradaute course in adolescent and child psychology.  In just a short while,the one who has taught me the most about love and life will be home from playing with friends, with all her 8-year-old energy, ready for my absolute presence and nothing less.